Meet Smokey
Shoelace Menace • Kitchen Ambush Specialist • Competitive Parkour Professional
Smokey came home alongside Comet during the second shelter trip — the one caused by me realizing that taking only one daughter to pick kittens had been a catastrophic parenting decision.
My oldest daughter had already gone first and come home with Cleopatra and Figaro, which naturally meant my youngest daughter also deserved to pick two kittens.
So back to the shelter we went.
Technically, the plan had only been to get one kitten.
Technically.
While my daughter was trying to decide which kitten she wanted, Smokey made the decision for us by getting himself tangled directly into the bow of her shoelaces while attacking them. By the time we untangled this ridiculous little creature, he and Comet were already playing together.
And unfortunately, I have a serious weakness when it comes to separating what appears to be a bonded pair.
So Smokey came home too.
For the first couple years, Smokey was not especially interested in humans. He was never aggressive or unfriendly — he simply tolerated us as roommates. He would sit in the same room, observe household activities, and silently judge everyone from a distance.
Physical affection was not on the agenda.
Then, seemingly overnight, Smokey changed careers and became an aggressively needy attention goblin.
These days, if you walk through the kitchen and feel a paw smack your arm, there is approximately a 98% chance it is Smokey demanding acknowledgment. It is not an angry smack.
It is more of a:
“Excuse me, you appear to have forgotten I exist.”
He accompanies these attacks with loud, dramatic yelling that somehow sounds both adorable and vaguely threatening at the same time.
Despite eating constantly, Smokey remains the skinniest cat in the household at under nine pounds. He is perfectly healthy — just naturally tiny and easily bullied away from food by some of the larger chaos beasts in the house.
Because of this, Smokey receives a nightly ritual known as Smokey Specials.
Objectively speaking, Smokey Specials are just his normal food with a little extra water added.
Subjectively speaking, Smokey believes this is gourmet fine dining created exclusively for him by a loving kitchen staff.
The moment you announce that it is time for specials, Smokey will sprint to the counter and stare at you with absolute intensity until his meal is served.
Smokey also has a tendency to over-groom when stressed, occasionally licking a tiny bald patch into his side. Usually this is our cue that he needs a little extra quiet time, affection, or separation from the larger, pushier cats.
Underneath all the yelling and dramatic behavior, Smokey is actually an incredibly sweet little cat.
He just prefers to express love through screaming, ambushes, and minor acts of violence.
Adopted: October 2019
Special Skills:
- Olympic-level vertical jump
- Loudly demanding special treatment
- Assaulting cats twice his size